One of my favorite genres of kitsch is products from China with translations that have run hideously amuck. It’s not even that the products are bad – though in this case I may have hit the jackpot – so much as the language and packaging used to promote them is so confused as to be nonsensical. In this case, the Bath Thing is a “New century Sanitarian thing”.

The only definition I could find of Sanitarian is “environmental health specialists, (who) enforce government regulations and advise and educate clients.” I’m pretty sure that one of those people are not living inside this package. But so confident is the manufacturer of the Bath Thing that their messaging is clear, the back of the label, the only other place where anything about the product is written, is exactly the same as the front, with scant information about the product inside.

Another exceptional thing about the Bath Thing is that ‘Thing’ is clearly singular yet there are two thingS inside the package. First there’s this little netted Thing that I can’t imagine would be anything other than annoying when dragged over your skin:

Then there’s this  rubber thong looking Thing:

The weave on the flip side seems a little far apart to have loofah effectiveness:

So sure was the manufacturer that the product would sell itself that neither one of the Things are pictured on the label. Unless the almost- transparent mound of soapsuds this gal’s right hand is poking into is the thong Thing and the clearly airbrushed soapy mess around her left hand is the netted Thing.

It’s unbelievable to me that a manufacturer who was so confident about their product would identify themselves nowhere on the product. Then again, it’s/they’re the Bath Thing/s and once it’s/they’re on the shelves at a 99¢ store, all the better if you’re a Kitsch lover like me!